But why him? -Phan-
by kittyxuchiha11
Summary: What happens when life doesn't go the way you planned? When Dan is forced to marry successful business man Phil Lester by his father, he is anything but happy. He'd dreamed of being swept off his feet by the perfect guy, not some boring business man he knew nothing about. Although this is the furthest thing from what Dan wanted. Could this marriage really be a blessing in disguise?
1. Chapter 1

Life for Dan Howell isn't exactly what you'd call fair. Sure he gets to choose simple things like what he'd like to eat, or what he wants to wear. But there are other things which he wishes he could choose, but can't.

"You know, he's being forced to marry, right?"

Dan couldn't help but overhear their conversation. It's not like it was some little piece of information only a few people knew. Ever was talking about it. Everyone he walked past seemed to stare and whisper. Those same few words constantly being thrown at him. A constant reminder that this was happening and he couldn't change it.

"Really, to who though?"

"Haven't you heard? His dad's forcing him to marry Phil Lester"

Phil Lester. The boy only five years older than Dan. A man at twenty-two who was the leader of the most successful business in the country. He had inherited his father's company only two years ago when his dad had died suddenly. Dan guessed it was something do so with the fact he was determined to make his now dead father proud, and that he'd been coached for this his whole life. But the business sky rocketed in profits, over taking and destroying everything and anything that stood in it's way. This sounded quite harsh to Dan, but it's what being in business is all about he guessed. Phil was a wealthy man who Dan had only heard about from his dad when he talked about how great his boss was.

Phil was supposed to be a kind man- Not that Dan would know since he'd never even seen him, never mind met him. So now, at only seventeen years old he was being forced to marry this said man.

"It's the only way Dan, you know it is"

All Dan did in reply was cross his arms across his chest and look away in some childish attempt to shut his dad up. He didn't want to hear this. His father knew very well that he didn't want to hear this. But they had to talk about it at some point.

"I don't even know him, why is this such a big deal now?'

"He's a respectable young man, you know that"

"But that doesn't explain why though. Why are you doing this to me? It's not like he's some amazing special guy. You like him, that's all it is, isn't it"

"No Dan, that isn't what this is about. You don't have much of a choice here. You have to do this"

"But dad-"

"This isn't up for discussion Daniel!" his father snapped in reply as he slammed the newspaper in his hand down. "Now go to your room. I have important business to attend to"

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"It can't be that bad Dan. I mean, he's buying a house for you guys to live in. I bet it's gonna be huge and pretty awesome"

"I don't even care. I don't want to do this"

PJ sighed as he gently patted Dan's back, his hand lingering for just a second before he withdrew it to hold in his lap with a half awkward sort of smile. Dan and PJ had been friends for years now. PJ was always Dan's first go to person for problems, just like Dan was the same for PJ. Although they both were as close as friends could probably get, psychical contact was something neither of them was used to or particularly comfortable with. Dan generally didn't like to be touched by anyone. Not even relatives. Hugging was like a form of torture to Dan. Yet with PJ he could just stand it enough to get by. Of course he still wasn't comfortable but he could deal with it without being made so uncomfortable and freaked out that he'd trigger his own panic attack. Sure it was a slight problem which Dan had expected to grow out of with age. Yet he'd suffered with this for at least the last three years. Maybe be really would never grow out of it.

"Shit…what if…"

"What?" PJ asked softly, the concern audible in his voice. It honestly worried him to see Dan like this. Dan was normally sarcastic as hell and generally happy. He never got this bad no matter how hard things were. PJ had a pretty good idea why this was getting to his friend so much but didn't want to say anything. He was supposed to be comforting Dan, not making him feel worse.

"What if he wants to stick to tradition. I can't even handle holding his hand or hugging him never mind…"

"What? What do you mean tradition- Oh…right"

As much as Dan liked to think of himself as some big tough guy who never cried, he couldn't stick to that when thinking about actually having to sleep with someone. He didn't want to sleep with Phil. He hated that that was tradition and it might actually happen. He hadn't even had his first kiss yet never mind and anything to do with being intimate.

Dan had always dreamed of the meting the perfect guy who would sweep him off his feet. His prince charming, if you would. Dan's mum read him fairytales every night as bedtime stories on demand by Dan. She wanted to let Dan choose whichever gender he wanted to fall in love with. Since the world had learned to accept equality there were no objections to Dan marrying either a man or a woman and Dan's mum knew that very well.

Even as a small child Dan was fascinated with the perfect prince characters. He loved to re-enact the tales he'd heard, showing his mum the little stories he'd made. Smiling with delight as he watched her smile and laugh at how creative he was.

Dan wanted to have a prince charming, it was as simple as that. He grew up wanting and hoping to meet the perfect guy. His prince that would sweep him off his feet and take him away from all this.

"Dan, look" Dan shook his head as he tried to hold back the tears. This couldn't be happening. "I know you're waiting for the perfect guy to come along, but maybe this is for the best"

"No, I can't do this Peej. The perfect guy is out there waiting for me, I know he is"

"Phil Lester is pretty perfect Dan, you can't deny that"

"He may be, but…He's not perfect to me"


	2. Chapter 2

In the most innocent moments of Dan Howell's childhood, you'd often find him in his back garden. Just twirling around in circles with a huge grin spread across his face that could brighten up anyone's day. In his head he was dancing. Dancing with his prince.

Dan had always loved stories where the prince would dance with the princess at the ball. Or the more modern day ones where the two princes would dance together. Of course at the time Dan didn't understand that before it wasn't acceptable to for two men or two woman to marry. But now equality had been won and the view of love is love was accepted by pretty much everyone.

Dan always loved dancing. Of course he never did any particular type of dancing like ballet or tap, but he loved to waltz with himself. Just spinning around with that small smile, watching the autumn leaves fly by him in the slight breeze.

If he wasn't in the garden dancing with himself, he could be found in the play room. The play room was a large room which contained all of his 'boys' toys but also a single old dolls house stood in the middle of the room. It had belonged to his great grandmother and had been passed down the family. This in turn was Dan's favourite toy. He'd sit for hours in that room moving the small wooden dolls in his hand acting out some little story he'd made up.

"What are you doing here Mackenzie?" Dan said in some deep voice which sounded funny rather than serious like he wanted. He moved the wooden doll which was painted to have a green shirt on as he spoke.

"I'm here for you, Ryan, I love you and want to marry you!" he said in a slightly deeper voicing, pausing for a moment to laugh before continuing with his little story. "I want to be with your forever!"

"Oh, Mackenzie. You've made me the happiest boy in the world!" he said softly as he moved the red doll over to the green one. His small smile turned into a grin as he gently pressed the dolls faces together to make them kiss.

To Dan, a kiss was something that was very important. It stood for something that other simple gestures like hugs could never mean. when you kissed someone, it meant you were in love with them. Of course when he'd told other people this, they'd found it really weird. Most normal nine year olds didn't care what a kiss meant or how special it was. But Dan knew that his first kiss would be special and with the man he was going to marry. No matter how long he had to wait, that was going to happen. Dan was determined it would happen.

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At night times you could find Dan cuddled up in bed, his eyes wide with wonder as he listened to his mothers words. She'd tell another story she'd made up just for him, smiling softly at her child's expression.

"So then the lovely prince gathered up all his riches and jewels and left the castle. He wanted to find the boy he was going to marry, no matter what he had to go through. And sure enough the prince found him in a small poor town a few miles from the castle. He gave his riches and jewels away to the poor which needed them. The town wasn't poor after that and the love of his life fell in love with the prince because of what the prince did for the boy's family and town"

"Wow…" Dan exhaled softly as he smiled, his eyes flickering up to his mum's to smile at her. He loved stories like this best. His mum had always liked to tell her stories with a slightly real twist so Dan wouldn't think that real life was like a fairy tale. They always had something that did actually happen in society. Real issues, if you would.

"And when they finally had a moment alone together was when they finally, and properly fell in love. The prince whispered in the boy's ear that he was perfect and they were meant to be"

"And then they got married and were together forever and ever, right?"

Dan's mum only laughed in response, a smile tugging at her own lips as she gazed into her son's wide excited eyes. "Of course they did. In fact, soon after they had their own little prince"

"Mummy…do you think there's a prince somewhere out there who will think I'm the boy for him? Like in the stories?"

Dan's mum gently ruffled her child's hair as a small laugh escaped her lips "Of course there is Dan. There is someone out there right now who is just waiting to find you"

Dan grinned, sitting up slightly more in bed "I bet he's going to be really beautiful and take me to lots of dances and want to marry me!"

"Of course he will. He'll find you at just the right time when you need him. Just like in the stories"

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"I had a dream last night about a man on white horse. I just had to look into his eyes to know he was the right one for me. It was love at first sight, just like in a movie"

He heard a sigh from across the room before his mother's voice filled the air "Dan, listen. I know I told you all those stories when you were younger, but…" she closed her eyes for a moment before looking straight into Dan's "Love isn't all about romance. Love is something you work towards to make it perfect. There is no such thing as perfect unconditional love"

All Dan did was smile even though he was a little confused at his mum's words "I know mum, but my love will be perfect. He'll come sweep me off my feet and we'll live happily ever after"

"Dan, look. You're fifteen now. This pretence that life is perfect and everything will be okay needs to stop. You're not a little kid anymore. You're growing into a fine young man" she sighed once again, taking a step towards Dan "I just don't want you to get hurt"

"…I know mum. But it's okay, I won't get hurt. I'll find him. I'll find him and it'll be perfect. You'll see"

And with that he stood up and left the room, leaving a now terrible feeling mother for even trying to shatter her son's perfect dreams.

So then a slightly confused Dan began to go over what his mum had meant. He closed his eyes with a small sigh as he lay back on the brown sheets of his bed.

_'I don't care what anyone else says. I'm waiting for you. You'll come and sweep me off my feet, I just know you will. It'll be exactly like in all those romantic books I've read. Mum just doesn't want me to get hurt by the wrong guy. But I'll only ever let the right guy into my heart'_

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The dull candle light of the church made Dan's head hurt. Why was he even doing this? This wasn't right, he didn't want this at all.

"Dan? Come on. He's waiting for you"

"I can't do this dad"

"Dan…come on. Don't do this now. We literally need to walk through this door and down the isle" he gently squeezed Dan's arm, flashing him a quick smile. Dan's dad was anything but a bad man. Dan didn't think too highly off him at that moment because of this situation. But he was still loving enough to be considered a good father.

The music began as Dan took a deep breath in some sort of attempt to calm himself. "Ready?" his father asked softly as he gave his son's arm another little squeeze.

"As ready as I'll ever be"

Dan couldn't help but close his eyes as he heard the first note from the organ. His eyes opened to see the many smiling faces of friends and family all staring at him. He supposed he should have been smiling as he walked down the isle but he couldn't even bare smiling. This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life. The day he'd dreamed about since he was a little kid. Yet here he was wanting to cry more than smile. This was a nightmare. An actual living nightmare.

As they arrived at the alter Dan's father flashed Dan a small smile before stepping to the side to join the other witnesses overlooking the ceremony. Dan tried not to look too sad or disappointed as he looked into Phil's eyes. To be honest even Phil didn't seem to be too happy. Maybe he'd hoped Dan would be happy on such a special day. Or maybe Phil was just as unhappy as Dan was. But no, of course Phil had to be happy. He had to be happy since he wanted to marry Dan in the first place.

"You look nice, Dan" Phil said softly, breaking Dan out of his thoughts.

"Yeah…you too" he replied, biting his lip as he refused to met the dark haired man's gaze. He quickly thrust his hand out, looking up for a moment to only catch a glimpse of the surprise in Phil's eyes before looking down again "Come on, lets get this over with"

A frown took over Phil's features as he gently took Dan's hands in his own. "Of course" Phil replied, turning to the priest who was watching them with unease. It was completely obvious to everyone in the room how uncomfortable both men where and just how awkward the whole situation was "Let's begin then?"

The priest nodded, looking from Phil to Dan and back before speaking clearly "Indeed. Let's begin"


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm not going to sleep with you!"

"Wha…what?"

"I don't care if we're married. I won't sleep with you!"

"Dan, no. that's not what I meant" Dan looked away, a slight blush covering his cheeks as he heard Phil sigh softly "I'm not gonna force you to do anything. I mean…it would be nice if someday…but I won't force you"

"Really?" Dan asked in a small voice, looking up just enough to catch Phil's eye before averting his eyes to the ground again.

"Of course. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, emotionally or physically…but" he paused, biting his lip before continuing in a quieter voice "I believe you should only have sex when you're ready. Yes sex is meant for marriage and I know I sound like some weird old gentleman saying that, but that's what I believe. Sure one day I would like to because you are my husband. But I would never force you"

"So…you don't expect me to sleep with you just because we're married now?"

"Of course not. I don't want to hurt you Dan. We're no where near ready anyway. I mean, we barely know each other" Phil said in his softest voice as he gently ran his fingertips over Dan's hand. Dan shuddered slightly, still incredibly uncomfortable with the whole physical contact thing. He'd thought in that moment that maybe he should tell Phil he didn't like to be hugged. As much as Dan liked to be rebellious he didn't want to come across as just plain rude for rejecting all of Phil's acts of affection.

Phil coughed sort of awkwardly to gain Dan's attention again as he continued to talk. Dan had forgotten about the fact Phil was giving him a tour of their new house due to their little argument there. Dan looked up again, his eyes wandering around the room as Phil talked. "As I said, this is my room. There's a room set out for you which I hope will be okay with you. Yet again, you can stay in your own room for as long as you want. I don't want to force you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You're always welcome in my room, but if you don't want to be in here, I understand that"

It was only while Phil was staring at him that Dan realised he was probably expected to reply. "I, um…I'd like to have my own room just now…thank you" Phil gave Dan a small smile before moving towards the doorway and looking over his shoulder obviously expecting Dan to follow.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Sure Dan didn't like being married to a complete stranger, but Phil in question wasn't his biggest problem. He wanted to fall in love and get married to his prince. As much as Dan tried to imagine it, Phil just wasn't his prince. I mean Phil was right, they barely knew each other. They'd only met for the first time on their wedding day. But still, maybe this wouldn't be quite as bad as Dan had originally thought.

"So, um. This is your room. It's pretty minimal just now but you can decorate it anyway you want. This is your house as well so don't be afraid to do whatever you want"

"Thanks…"

"…Dan?" Phil asked gently as his baby blue eyes looked into Dan's. As much as Dan didn't want to admit it Phil did have really pretty eyes. He'd describe them as breath taking if this was a romance novel. But as he was discovering, romance novels don't happen in real life.

"Yeah…Phil?"

A small smile tugged at Phil's lips as Dan said his name. It sounded strange but also kind of comforting. It was the first time they'd actually had a conversation where Dan wasn't trying his hardest to avoid eye contact or not talk. "Do you want some brunch? I mean it's a little late for breakfast but you haven't eaten yet, have you?"

Dan was about to open his mouth to reply but as if on cue his stomach rumbled loudly. He blushed slightly, looking away in embarrassment. Phil just laughed, showing Dan the first actual smile Dan had seen since they'd met.

"I'll go make something up just now. I'll let you unpack and have a little time to yourself just now. Call me if you need anything" and with that left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Dan didn't move until he heard Phil's footsteps fade. He fell onto the bed with a quiet thump as a small sob erupted from his lips. He didn't know why he was crying but that didn't stop the tears slowly making their way down his cheeks. Maybe it was because he'd majorly misjudged Phil and felt terrible about it. Or maybe it was because he just didn't want to be here no matter how nice Phil was too him. Dan didn't even know how he felt. He just knew this sinking feeling in his chest was growing stronger by the minute.

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Dan was awoken by a soft knocking at his door. He sat up, looking around panicked for a minute before remembering where he was. He quickly wiped his now agitated skin from his dried tears as the door slowly opened. Phil smiled lazily as he gazed at the younger boy sitting there with messy hair which was definitely starting to curl.

"Hey"

"Hey…" Dan replied quietly, rubbing his face again as he hoped he didn't look too bad.

"Did you fall asleep?" Phil asked with an amused smile gracing his lips. He laughed softly as he saw Dan look away and grumble something which resembled a no. "Anyway, foods ready"

"Okay…" Dan mumbled as he sat up, carefully making his way off the bed and across the room to Phil. A weird sort of tension filled the air as they stood together in the doorway. Phil must of sensed it too because he quickly cleared his throat and moved into the hall, looking back at Dan with an expression Dan couldn't read.

"I, um. I made some pancakes. I'm not the greatest cook but I think they're okay" he laughed to himself "I promise I won't be offended if you don't like them"

"Okay…"

"Okay"

And so there they were sat at this big new table, awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact as they ate. It wasn't exactly Dan's idea of a happy situation but what did he expect. When you force a seventeen year old to marry a man he's never met things aren't exactly going to be normal.

"How are your pancakes?"

"Fine"

Dan really didn't find this comfortable at all. It was almost as if he was a guest in a hotel. A hotel which just happened to be his new permanent home.

There was this look that Dan just didn't understand on Phil's face as their eyes met and they couldn't look away. For a moment Dan thought that maybe Phil was actually having second thoughts. That he finally realised this was no way going to work. They didn't even know each other, never mind love each other. Did he want to back out? Could they even back out now?

"I…I've gotta get going"

He was leaving, To go where?

"I've got a meeting today. I was gonna miss it if you needed me but…" he sighed "I get it Dan, you don't want to be here. That much is obvious but, we're married. If you like it or not we've got to at least act like we get on"

"So I'm supposed to just act like everything is fine then?" Dan pretty much growled, his decent mood from before completely gone.

"I don't want to fight with you Dan"

"I don't want to even be here for you to fight with. Why did you want to marry me in the first place?"

"Dan…"

"Come on!" Dan shouted, standing up abruptly and making his chair fall behind him. He glared at Phil, clenching his fists. "You wanted this so what have you got to be regretful for? It's my dreams that have been ripped away from me, not yours!"

Phil just stared at Dan, not sure how to respond or what to even do. It then hit him, Dan didn't know.

"Dan do you…do you really not know why this happened?"

"Of course I do. My dad wanted me to marry you because you're rich and famous and everyone loves you. You're a nice guy who everyone adores, so who better to be married to" he sneered angrily.

"Oh god…that's not" Phil covered his mouth as he just stared at Dan. Dan really didn't know. Phil couldn't believe his father hadn't told him.

"You really need to talk to your dad Dan"


	4. Chapter 4

His eyes moved around the mirror, checking every detail of himself before letting a small sigh escape his lips. He looked okay, he was fine. He looked down at the cuffs of his black jacket and pulled at them in some sort of attempt to make them look better.

"Am I really doing the right thing here?" he asked out loud to himself as he ran a hand through his already perfectly styled hair.

Today was the day he was actually be getting married. The day Phil Lester was to be married to a boy five years younger than him who he didn't even know. It was now that he looked at his hair which seemed to dark with his black suit that he thought that maybe he might be doing the wrong thing. But although these thoughts kept swirling around his head he knew he was making the right choice by doing this.

"Phil? We're ready to begin now"

Before Phil could even turn to answer they were gone, whoever they were. Just another person involved with this wedding, he guessed. He gave himself one last long look in the mirror before leaving the room and making his way to the main hall. When he arrived, the guests -which he honestly knew none of- were begging to all pile in and take their seats. As he made his way down the isle, he noticed how many people were standing up there. Of course John, Dan's father, was standing up there. It made Phil feel a little sick honestly. Maybe it was the nerves of getting married, or the fact that everyone's eyes were on him already and the ceremony hadn't even began yet.

John stuck his hand out for Phil to shake as he approached him. Phil grasped John's hand tightly in his, shaking it as he flashed the older man a small smile.

"You ready then?"

"Yes, of course"

John smiled, dropping Phil's hand "I better go get him then" he said before quickly leaving the room to obviously get Dan.

Then followed the tense moment of not quite silence but quietness. The guests quietly chatted among themselves while Phil just stood there sort of awkwardly, not sure if he was even allowed to talk. Then came the priest's soft voice telling everyone the ceremony was about to begin.

The organ piped up as a little girl who must have only been about five or six began to slowly make her way down the isle throwing little flowers as she walked. You could pretty much hear the whole room aw at her as she stopped half way to pick up a single flower and throw it in the air again. Then came a boy who Phil thought he might have recognised as one of his distant cousins or something, but he couldn't be sure. This whole wedding was planned by his mum and John so he literally only knew what was supposed to happen for the ceremony and that was it. Of course he was the one who had agreed to marry Dan. But as soon as his mum heard she wanted to plan this whole thing.

Several more people walked down until the priest announced it was time to stand for the groom. A new song kicked in on the organ as John and Dan quickly slipped into the room.

Breathe, just breath Phil. Everything will be okay. He repeated to himself as he watched Dan's face. He honestly looked scared to death. No wonder though. Phil had to admit if he was told he had to marry a complete stranger at seventeen he would be scared. He was scared now but he couldn't show that.

As they slowly made their way down the isle Dan looked even more anxious with every step. Phil was growing more anxious as well but tried to stay calm. As much as he wanted to admit it that he was scared and it was okay for Dan be scared, he knew he really couldn't. It sucked being an adult sometimes, it was just one of those things.

Dan looked nervously into Phil's eyes and Phil did the same back. He was scared as hell but, god did Dan look beautiful. Handsome, whatever the proper term he was supposed to use was.

"You look nice, Dan" He managed to say softly. He felt he needed to say something or this really would have just been so awkward. They were only meeting for the first time here and all they'd done was look at each other anxiously.

Dan seemed to take on a slight look of panic for a second before his features returned to that same sad, uneasy smile "Yeah…you too"

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Nothing good comes easily. That's what Phil kept telling himself every time he began to doubt what he was doing. He thought that by being the nicest he could be and doing everything he thought he should do, would win Dan's heart. Of course it probably wouldn't, but he could try. Things like that only happened in fairytales, and life sure wasn't a prefect love story. But he wanted to try. He'd work at it and he'd make Dan fall in love with him, he was determined.

Getting past his guard will be the first step, then we can make this work. But the question which played on Phil's mind more than anything was: Would Dan even give him a chance?

He sat staring at the pancakes in front of him as Dan quickly took his seat a cross the table. Although Phil's mind was still clouded with all those bad thoughts, one look into Dan's eyes were all it took to wash them away.

There he is, my husband. My beautiful husband who will love me someday.

"How are your pancakes?"

"Fine" Dan answered quickly. Phil could tell he was uncomfortable. Of course he was. He wanted to believe this would work, but Dan didn't seem to even be slightly enjoying himself at all. And as their eyes met Phil could see the pain in them. He knew deep down that he couldn't possibly be the one who had caused Dan so much pain, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty. He just wished he knew what Dan was thinking. He wanted Dan to be comfortable and actually feel wanted around him. Not unhappy and constantly miserable.

Maybe he should have just gone to that meeting today instead of staying with Dan. Maybe that really would have been for the best. It definitely would have been less awkward. If he went to work and got out of the house there was a chance he could get his thoughts together and say what he wanted to say to Dan.

"I…I've got to get going. I have a meeting today. I was gonna miss it if you needed me but…" he sighed, why couldn't he just get up and leave like a normal person? "I get it Dan, you don't want to be here. That much is obvious but, we're married. If you like it or not we've got to at least act like we get on"

Phil instantly felt horrible for saying it. He was supposed to just say he needed to go to work, get up and leave and be done with it. But no, by the look on Dan's face he could tell there was going to be an argument. He had upset Dan on their first proper day of living together. He was doing just great wasn't he.

"So I'm supposed to just act like everything is fine then?"

"I don't want to fight with you Dan" Phil said, trying to make himself turn away and walk away from this. Don't retaliate. Just walk away and everything will be fine.

"I don't want to even be here for you to fight with. Why did you want to marry me in the first place?"

"Dan…"

"Come on!" Dan shouted, standing up abruptly and making his chair fall behind him. "You wanted this so what have you got to be regretful for? It's my dreams that have been ripped away from me, not yours!"

Phil just stared at Dan, not sure how to respond or what to even do. It then hit him, Dan didn't know. He thought John would have told him. He was completely up front about it with Phil so why wouldn't he tell his own son. This was bad, really bad. No wonder Phil was so upset.

"Dan do you…do you really not know why this happened?"

"Of course I do. My dad wanted me to marry you because you're rich and famous and everyone loves you. You're a nice guy who everyone adores, so who better to be married to"

Phil remembered that day perfectly and that sure wasn't the reason. How could John have not told Dan?

"Oh god…that's not…You really need to talk to your dad, Dan"

There were so many things he needed to tell Dan. Needed to assure him off. Dan needed to know the truth. And as much as Phil wanted to tell him, he knew this was something John himself had to tell his son.


	5. Chapter 5

"So…that's the problem"

"Yes, that is quite a problem. The thing is, I'm not sure I can help you. I mean, I would love too but you know how it is. With the economy the way it is…I just don't think I can offer you the sort of help you need"

Phil always had habit of daydreaming during his meetings, even if he was the head of the whole company. Today's meeting was kinda of important since three other company representatives were meant to be there. There was still a while until the meeting actually started so Phil thought why not go over his notes one more time. Going over his notes normally meant doing a whole lot of daydreaming and not actually getting anything productive done at all.

In his daydream like state he couldn't help but overhear the conversation which was currently happening basically right next to him. The town leader, David- was leaning against the table as he kept his eyes set on the man on front of him. The man in question was one of Phil's own employees. He wasn't sure of the man's name but knew he had brought many successes to their company throughout the years.

"I really would love to help you John, but I really can't. I'm sorry"

John, that was his name. Of course, he'd been the one who had proposed the idea that gained the most profit Phil had ever seen his company acquire. He was a good guy, a great thinker along with a generally nice man.

"I understand…My only other option is the inheritance then. With that much, it'll take us out of the red for now but…" he sighed, running his fingers though his thinning hair "But of course, that means I'll have to stick to the clause…"

"What's the clause?"

"My son, Dan…he has to be married as soon as possible. I just…" he paused "How am I ever gonna find someone right away. Someone who…Someone who I can really trust…"

"I'm truely sorry John, but maybe you should try at least find someone who you can trust" He gave John a sad smile before turning to leave "I'm really sorry, but this looks like it might be your only choice"

"Possibly…thanks anyway, sir"

Phil's heart sank a little as he watched that sad thankful smile which covered John's face. His problem was he was such a sucker for people who were down and always wanted to cheer them up, even if he really didn't know the person. This was probably Phil's biggest weakness. He had to help people and he just couldn't stop himself from doing so.

He slowly stood up from his seat and tentatively made his way over the older man. John sighed softly to himself as he leaned against the wall. Phil wasn't sure if too approach him now, but…he just looked so sad. Phil couldn't just sit back and watch the poor man's sad life fall apart before him.

"…Mr Howell?"

John looked up, straightening himself up as he tried to pull his best fake smile. "Good morning Mr Lester" he greeted in a yet again way too fake voice. This was breaking Phil's heart more and more by the second just seeing someone like this.

"Sorry but, I couldn't help over hearing your conversation there…"

He looked taken back for a second before nervously looking down at the floor. He was obviously embarrassed for Phil to have heard that. "Sorry sir, I know I shouldn't have brought my personal problems to work but David was just here and I thought maybe I could ask him before the meeting and-"

"Whoa, John. It's okay" Phil laughed slightly, trying to show John a comforting smile in an attempt to calm him down "I didn't come over here as your boss to tell you off. In all honestly, I want to help you. Do you maybe wanna talk about this in my office? We have a little time before this meeting starts"

John looked relieved and quickly nodded, managing to pull an actual sort of half smile.

"So" Phil said softly as he sat down at his desk, keeping his eyes on John as he sat down in one of the black chairs in front of Phil. "What's going on?"

He hesitated for a second, opening his mouth and sucking in a large gulp of air before shutting it again as that same sad smile appeared. "It's…it's a really complicated situation. I…I don't know how to explain it to you"

"Just try, okay? I'll delay the meeting if I have to" Phil said, leaning on his hand as he smiled. "I can't let one of my best employees be troubled like this"

"It's, well…My mother passed away a few months ago and left everything to me. Of course it isn't a lot but we really need it just now. But as you probably heard, the clause of that was that my son has to be married before I even get a share of the money"

"So…Your Son needs to be married before you get anything?"

"Yes" he sighed, looking down at his hands in his lap. "We really need this money and as soon as possible. Of course I tried other people but…the inheritance is my only choice left" he met Phil's eyes with a pleading look "Who am I ever going to find to marry him? I need to convince someone then convince Dan and…oh god I'm such a horrible father…"

Phil sat up straight, taking a quick breath in as a thought crossed his mind "I'll do it"

"You'll…what?"

"I'll do it. I'll marry your son"

John looked confused, sceptical. All the emotions he was feeling were clear just from how he looked at Phil. But most of all the confusion and relief shone through. Phil knew now he could definitely help John and he the warmth that flooded his chest at that thought really made him smile brighter than he ever had before.

******************************************************************************

"What do you mean? why do I need to talk to him?"

"I…Dan, I don't think I can say"

"And why not? Why can't you tell me the reason I'm being forced to live with such an asshole like you!"

They both froze, just staring at each other.. Dan hadn't meant that, of course he hadn't. Phil was the furthest thing from an asshole. He was actually really was a kind and decent young man, like his father had said.

"Do you really think I'm…" Phil started but stopped as he looked the ground, a hurt expression covering his face.

"I…I'm gonna go"

His head shot up at Dan's words "To where? You don't need to go. I'm going, it's fine"

Dan sighed softly, quickly grabbing his coat from the hallway and slipping it on "If you won't tell me, dad will"

Dan placed his hand on the door handle before he felt someone's arms wrap around his chest. He tensed up at the contact, beginning to shake slightly as he repeated to himself that it was okay over and over again. It was just Phil. Phil was nice. Phil won't hurt you. What was the big deal with contact anyway? It was nothing to be freaked out about. But no matter how much he tried to tell himself that he couldn't stop himself from shaking and having that feeling of panic building up in his chest.

"You might not like what you hear so…I'm here for you" he Heard Phil whisper before he felt a quick kiss being pressed to the side of his head and the arms around his chest disappearing.

*********************************************************************************

Dan's hands shook violently and his chest heaved as he raised his fist and pounded it into the white door. He tried to steady his breathing and at least calm himself dowm slightly. But nothing was working. The feeling in his chest had grown and he now found it hard to breathe.

What the hell had Phil meant by that? The reason Dan was forced to marry him was because of his status, wasn't it? That's what Dan had been lead to believe anyway.

"Dan? What are you doing here?"

"Tell me" Was all Dan managed to get out as kept his eyes glued on his fathers. His father's look of confusion turned into one of concern as he looked his son up and down.

"Tell you what?" he paused, taking a step towards Dan and gently laying a hand on his back "Come inside. You look like you need a drink, or something"

Dan sighed, nodding slowly as he took a deep breath and stepped over the threshold. His father led him into the sitting room, letting Dan sit down before quickly disappearing to the kitchen to fetch Dan a cup or tea, or so he assumed. His dad soon came back with two cups in his hands, holding the usual one Dan always drank out of to him.

They both sat there in a slightly uncomfortable silence as they quietly sipped at their tea. Dan kept his gaze on his dad the whole time, trying to work up the courage to actually say what he wanted to say. Sure he could scream and shout while he was angry and all riled up. But now he was calm he felt more nervous than angry.

"What are you doing here Dan?" John said softly, interrupting his thoughts. Dan's gaze snapped up to meet his dad's, which had a sort of sincere look that Dan didn't really understand.

"Phil said…I…" he sighed, running a hand through his hair as he closed his eyes for a moment. "He said there's another reason that I'm married to him"

"He must be confused, there is no other reason-"

"Dad" Dan said, his eyes narrowing at his father as he clasped his hands together firmly in his lap "Tell me the truth"

John had a strange look on his face as Dan watched him. He seemed to be conflicted, confused even. Whatever it was, it made Dan even angrier. It reminded him of all there stupid fights about this marriage in the first place. If all this arrangement was going to do was cause trouble then why was he going through with it? If it really was as simple as his dad wanted him to be married to Phil, then couldn't they easily call it off?

there had to be something else.

"Dan…you've got to understand that what I'm about to tell you. I needed to do it, for us"


	6. Chapter 6

"What's so wrong with Phil anyway?"

"It doesn't matter. He's just not my type"

There was a small silence between them then. PJ shifted in his seat slightly as he kept his eyes on Dan from his place across the table. They'd decided to catch up over drinks, which of course now seemed like a terrible idea. Nothing had changed between them. The nature of their relationship was still the same, but- there was just this small feeling of awkwardness in the air.

"What is your type then? I mean, Phil is one of the nicest guys I've ever seen"

"He's just not the one I've been waiting for…you know that Peej"

PJ sighed softly, taking a sip of his drink before looking back at this friend. "How do you know he's not the right guy if you don't even give him a chance"

"But-"

"Look, I'm not saying he is that person but…you've got to at least give him a shot. This must be hurting him as much as it's hurting you"

"But how could it be hurting him. He's the one who wanted to marry me"

"Dan…don't you get it. He agreed to this to help your family. I bet he's hurting just as much as you are"

Dan tried desperately to try think of a comeback or at least what to say next but his head went blank. He knew he was being incredibly selfish in not giving Phil a chance. But honestly, he didn't want to. He wanted to stay wrapped up in his perfect little world that one day a guy would come and sweep him off his feet. He wanted his happy ever after. He just wanted it so badly.

Dan heard PJ sigh again. Their eyes met as Dan tried to open his mouth to say something, but just closed it again and looked down at the table.

"You're way too picky Dan. You really should be glad that a boy is showing you some attention"

"I am not picky. So what if I haven't dated everyone who's looked at me. I would have just been wasting my time if I did. It's gonna happen like in those stories. I'll meet him and I'll just know. I know it's gonna happen like that, it has too"

"Life isn't a fairytale Dan. What kind of guy is the right one anyway?"

"I don't know…"

"Exactly" PJ smiled, gently laying his hand on top of Dan's for only a second to try give him some sort of comfort "If you don't know who the right guy is, then how do you know it isn't Phil?"

*********************************************************************

"Have you made the marriage official then"

"Dad!"

"Well, have you?"

Dan tried to keep calm as his fathers voice rang in his ears. Of course his dad would phone him to talk about something like this. After their argument the other day about the nature of his and Phil's marriage. Dan haven't really wanted to talk to his dad. He felt rather betrayed. Like he was just some cheap whore being sold off for a little extra money. Because when it came down to it, that's all Dan must have meant if John could just give away his son for inheritance money.

"Of course not" Dan basically shouted into the phone as he sat down on his bed with a thump. To say he was annoyed was a major understatement.

"You're going to have to or-"

"Or what? You'll get your precious inheritance money taken away. Is money really such a big deal to you that you have to ruin my life and make me sleep with someone against my will just so you can have some"

"Dan, that's not-"

"Is it not how it is? Then tell me, how is it?"

"Daniel, we need this money. You might not understand now, but we need it" there was a small pause before John spoke again "If the attorney finds out that you and Phil's relationship isn't real, they'll no doubt find a fault and take away everything. We really do need that money, trust me when I say that"

"How are they gonna found out exactly. You're worrying over nothing. Look, I won't tell them if you don't, but I'm not sleeping with him. Isn't it enough that your ruining my life without forcing me to be some fucking prostitute"

Dan hadn't meant that. Of course he hadn't he was annoyed and it just came out. He thought about apologising as the silence dragged on. Obviously he'd shocked his farther. He'd shocked himself to be honest. He didn't know why he was acting like such a spoiled brat.

"Dad, I-"

"I'm going to talk to Phil about this"

"No. dad, wait-"

"Goodbye Dan"

Dan held his ear to the phone for a couple more seconds as he heard the line go dead and silence fill the room. He groaned quietly before flopping back onto the bed, staring at the dull ceiling. Why did he always have to mess everything up?

*********************************************************************

"Dan? I'm home"

Dan didn't want to face him. He knew it was stupid and childish but he didn't want anymore confrontation for today. He knew his dad would have talked to Phil already. That just gave him all the more reason to ignore Phil.

"Dan?"

Dan had to face him didn't he?

"Yeah, be down in a sec"

He quickly got off his bed, looking himself over in the mirror. He looked okay, he guessed. Not that it really mattered. He was only seeing Phil, not his prince charming.

"Did you…did my dad talk to you?"

"…Yeah, he came to see me earlier today"

"Did he…"

"…Yeah"

Silence fell upon them as they just stared at each other. Dan wanted desperately to just tell Phil not to worry about it but the words were stuck in his throat. He just stared and wished he would stop being such a kid and start acting like an adult. And adult who could say what they felt and not have this whole awkward atmosphere.

"Dan-"

"I'm sorry" and although he knew he really should stay he just couldn't. He couldn't face Phil to talk about this. Being angry at his dad was one thing, but being like this with Phil. He couldn't do that. He liked Phil. Phil wasn't the problem here, it wasn't really his fault they were in this situation, was it?

*********************************************************************

As time passed the pain got worse. It was supposed to get better, yet he still felt like this. Phil knew that it was supposed to hurt at first, but not now. He sighed as he traced his fingers over the photograph in his hands. Why did it have to be this way? All he wanted was to be happy in life, but that didn't happen. Phil thought when he was younger he would settle down with someone and have a happily family. And sure he did settle down, but it was never that simple. He had to laugh about it really. He knew exactly how Dan felt about this whole arranged marriage thing, since his own father had arranged his when we was only sixteen. Married to a man you don't know just because your fathers were in business together. It was stupid really. It was stupid for Phil to fall in love with him, but it happened. He fell in love with a boy who he could never have. And of course, it was happening with Dan now.

Phil wanted to try his best to make Dan love him. To be happy with Dan and to have that family with him.

He didn't notice he was crying until the tears dripped onto the picture. The tears slipped off the smooth surface of the photograph and onto the floor. He tried to wipe his eyes but the tears just kept flowing. Why did this have to happen to him? He just wanted someone to love him, but no one ever loved him like he wanted.

The only person to love him…they were gone now. On the outside he appeared to be happy. But he wasn't. He was the furthest thing from it.

A small sob escaped his lips as he crumbled to his knees, crumpling the picture slightly as he curled up his fist. The pain only got worse the more he thought about it. Why couldn't he just be happy?

The pain was unbearable, but he knew Dan could change that.


	7. Chapter 7

The first thing Phil noticed when he woke up was the house was silent. This wasn't that unusual as Dan could still be asleep. But the thing was, Dan always woke up first. Not that Phil woke up that late but he always seemed to wake up to the sound of Dan clattering around in the kitchen or the quiet sound of Dan's singing while he showered. So obviously, Phil was a little confused to be greeted by the utter silence of what seemed like an empty house.

He got up, quickly slipping on a pair of jeans and a shirt before making his way to Dan's room. He knocked on the door softly, waiting for some sort of reply. When he was yet again only greeted with silence he called out Dan's name.

"Dan, you in there?"

No reply yet again. At this point alarm bells started ringing in Phil's head. What if Dan had fallen and hurt himself or something as equally dramatic as that. He carefully pushed open the door and slipped inside. He was completely prepared to see Dan asleep or lying on the floor unconscious but he wasn't greeted by either of them.

The room was empty.

A puzzled look overtook his features as he looked around the room. Surely he wouldn't have gone out without telling Phil first. Although their situation wasn't what he could class as a normal marriage, they still acted civil towards each other and would mention what they were doing that day. So of course knowing this Phil was a little confused to where Dan could be.

It was only as Phil took another step into the room that he noticed the paper on the bedside table. Without hesitation he made his way over to it and held it in his hands as his eyes scanned over the words on the page. It was a letter. A letter seemingly from Dan.

Phil knew as soon as he read it where Dan would be. What was that boy even thinking? He set the note down and quickly made his way out of the room and downstairs. He needed to get to Dan quickly before he did anything stupid.

*********************************************************************

He couldn't do this. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't. You needed to be a certain type of person to be in a situation and pretend every thing was alright, and Dan certainly wasn't that type of person. He tried, he really did. He wanted everything to be okay and to feel as if everything was normal, but it wasn't. Being a teenager was confusing enough without having to deal with some stupid marriage.

Out of the many ideas that Dan came up with only one seemed plausible. It was something he'd never actually planned on doing but now it seemed like the only choice. He had to get out of this and if running away was the only option then be it.

So maybe that's why he was standing on the platform of the train station in the light morning drizzle. The small pellets of rain gathered in his naturally curly hair as he stared straight ahead lost in his thoughts. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, but what else was he supposed to do. He wished he could just go back to how things used to be but he knew that was impossible. So this really was his only option. Just to get out of this place and hope they didn't come looking for him. It wasn't what he wanted to do exactly, but it was the only way out.

And as Dan stood there trying to make his mind forget about all his worries he saw something out the corner of his eye. He saw someone, to be exact.

There, making his way across the bridge to his side of the platform was Phil. He had a look on his face which Dan couldn't really understand as he held a blue umbrella tightly in his right hand. Dan couldn't take his eyes off the slightly taller man as he made his way onto the platform and towards him. He didn't know if he should try run or just stay where he was. Who was he kidding, he couldn't just run away like some little kid. He had to face Phil now.

"What are you doing here?" he asked softly as he kept his eyes glued to the other man's shoes.

Dan felt the patter of rain on his head stop as Phil moved forward "Stopping you from getting soaked for one" Phil half muttered as he now held the umbrella over both of them "And isn't the second obvious?"

Dan looked into Phil's eyes then. His heart sank a little as he watched those blue orbs looking at him with such hurt and pain. "Where are you going?"

"I can't do this" was all Dan could get out "Not for you. Not for him. Not even for my mum…I just can't"

"Dan-"

"So I'm leaving. You could never understand how it is for me"

And for once Phil smiled at the younger boy. It wasn't a happy smile, more of sad one but it still made Dan get this strange feeling. Just seeing Phil smile made him feel incredibly weird.

"Try me"

"It's just…" Phil's smile faded as the first tear fell "I was supposed to be swept away. To have all my dreams come true"

"Dan…You've got all these little fantasies built up in your head. But life isn't like that. Life is just life" a proper smile pulled at his lips this time "It's unfair and sure it sucks, but it's life. Life isn't some fairy tale and you just can't expect it to be. And sure it's pretty bad for you right now but…that's why you have me"

The tears wouldn't stop now as Dan just stared at his husband. A million thought and emotions buzzed through him just making the tears fall faster "We have each other to help make it a little less sucky and more enjoyable. We have each other to… well to love"

And as Phil finished Dan couldn't help but smile. How could he not when Phil was being so kind to him "Come on" Phil whispered, carefully pulling Dan into his arms "Lets go home"

It seemed in that moment that they were home. Dan felt at home then, wrapped up in Phil's arms as he sobbed silently. He forgot about how he didn't like hugs or any contact because Phil was different to everyone else. He was kind and didn't scare Dan like they did. He was happy then, just being wrapped up in Phil's arms like that. It almost seemed as if everything would be okay from now on.

Almost.


	8. Chapter 8

_'Maybe the prince, the dream. Everything I've ever wanted, really doesn't exist. Maybe I really was making it all up in my head. Maybe, just maybe- Phil was right, and life is just life. You grow old, you die and that's about it. Some people are given better deals than other. Some people are meant to be used to help someone else and maybe that's what I'm supposed to do. It's completely unfair, but it's reality. And sure reality is a lot harder to deal with than a fairytale, but it's real and it means something. People get given the worse deals and still live on with their lives. How can they do it? Surely if it's so bad they couldn't. What's worth living for if it's all for nothing? _

_I'm starting to learn that Phil is one of these people who have it bad. He's had it awful, so much worse than me. He was forced to marry at sixteen by his father after his mother left. How did he deal with it? It seems crazy to think such a sweet man could have gone through all of that. His husband and his father passed away in the same year. That's crazy to think of. How could you even live through that?_

_How did Phil survive losing his husband?'_

********************************************************************

"Hey Peej…do you know anything about Phil's husband? like how he died?"

"Not really" he flashed a small smile at Dan before continuing "If I did know, I don't think it would be my place to say anyway. Why don't you just ask him?"

Dan sighed, uncrossing his legs from his position on the couch and slouching down slightly "I could never just ask him"

"Why not?"

"How could I ask him that? It's not like it's a casual question"

PJ shifted in his seat slightly. A definite habit he'd picked up that he did when he was uncomfortable. "It's been two years Dan. Although it's a really horrible thing to happen and sure he's still got to be hurting, I'm sure he can talk about it" PJ caught Dan's eyes as he sat up a little more in his seat across from Dan "I mean, if he wasn't over it then why would you be here?"

"What?"

"He's married to you Dan. I know you don't like that but at least that means he's moved on enough to at least try be with you"

Dan averted his eyes to the ground as his face flushed slightly. Phil wanted to be with him. His brain still didn't seem to understand that properly. "It's weird though…I mean, you'd think there would be pictures of him up in here. When someone dies you keep pictures up because you want to remember them"

A look of pure sympathy crossed PJ's face as he looked at his friend "Maybe he doesn't want to remember. It's a horrible, painful process. I mean, you know how hard it is-"

"PJ…" Dan murmured an edge to his voice that almost made him sound a little bit threatening.

"I know how much you miss her and-"

"This isn't about my pain PJ. Sure I've had a pretty shitty life but Phil's has been so so much worse." he sighed again, running a hand though his hair "But maybe you're right. Maybe that just is his way of coping with it"

There was a small silence for a moment before PJ broke it "…Maybe he took the pictures down for your sake"

Dan's head snapped up as he gave a look that was almost a glare. It's not that he didn't like Phil. He just didn't like the idea that he was his husband yet. So to think that Phil would take down pictures for his benefit made him sort of angry. Angry at himself more than anyone else because he'd interrupted Phil's grieving process. Phil was lovely and Dan hated that he'd come into Phil's life when Phil shouldn't need him.

"That does make any sense to me Peej" he said, his anger boiling down slightly "It's not like we're in love or anything. Why would I be hurt by seeing his past husband?"

"But Dan- I think Phil Is looking for the real thing with you here. Can't you see, he didn't just agree to marry you to help your family, he really likes you. I know you can't see it, but believe me. The way he looks at you, you can just tell"

"No he doesn't" Dan didn't mean anything he was saying now. It was just spilling out and he couldn't stop it "I don't want him to like me. I don't want him try to pursue this stupid thing we have going on. If he thinks I'll ever fall in love with someone like him, then he's wrong. I want nothing to do with him at all!"

********************************************************************

"Hey, Phil. Dinner's ready"

Only silence filled the room as he stayed in his seat. Phil was just sitting there staring straight out of the window. It was almost as if he didn't realise Dan was standing there in the doorway looking in at him.

"Are you coming down for it?" Dan asked, a little louder than before in some sort of attempt to gain Phil's attention. There was another silence before he heard Phil answering him in a small, quiet voice.

"I'm not hungry"

That's when it clicked in Dan's head what was going on.

"Oh…okay. Yours will be in the fridge if you want it later, okay?"

There wasn't even a reply of words that time, just a sort of sound of slight recognition. Dan quickly left the room and made his way downstairs, a feeling that he didn't quite understand making his stomach twinge as slight worry rose is his chest.

"He's not coming" He announced as he walked into the kitchen. PJ look confused, obviously urging Dan to explain further what was going on.

"He's not?" PJ asked eventually, looking even more confused now as Dan quickly set about to the job of placing Phil's plate into the fridge.

"I got this weird vibe from him. Like, that he didn't want to be around me."

"What do you mean. Why would he not want to be around you?"

"I…I think he might of heard what I said earlier…"

"Oh…You feel guilty then?"

Dan slumped down at the table, looking at the pasta in front of him before pushing the plat away slightly. "No, I mean yes. I mean…I don't know"

"Well, did you mean what you said to him?"

"I don't know if I meant it. I mean, I didn't expect him to hear me. I…I don't know"

"Oh…well" he paused, looking at Dan with a look Dan had never seen his friend use before "If you really feel that bad about it, you have to talk to him. He understands you're a reckless teenager and you didn't mean what you said"

"I should but I…"

"You're hurting now, because you hurt him. Isn't that enough Dan? I just wanna see you happy and him being unhappy is making you unhappy."

"I'm not unhappy-"

"Yes you are. You can't lie to me, I've known you for so long I know just from the way you sit slouched over like that, that you're not happy." He smiled, catching Dan's eye before continuing "Talk to him. It'll make everything okay again. I promise"

*********************************************************************

It had only been about a week since Phil had completely stopped recognising Dan's presence. Of course Dan thought maybe it was a gift in disguise, but was finding it was only making him more and more unhappy. He wasn't ready to admit it to himself but maybe Phil really did have an actual impact on his life now. He just felt hurt and lonely now. He never thought having someone he was forced to like ignore him could ever make him feel this way. Just the fact that they didn't even exchange smiles when thy passed each other in the house made Dan's heart a sink a little. He knew he needed to take PJ's advice and talk to Phil, yet he didn't want to. He wanted to change this whole situation but that in itself meant admitting to himself that he'd done something wrong and that he really did need Phil.

Phil interrupted his thoughts by walking into the kitchen and making his way over to the fridge. Dan wanted to speak up and say what he was feeling, but honestly he was scared. As much as he started their arguments he hated the actual arguing part. He didn't want to completely ruin this thing that they had but also was too afraid to fix it.

After just watching Phil snack from various foods from the fridge Dan finally managed to speak up, only loud enough so Phil could just hear him. "You, um. You missed dinner again tonight"

"I wasn't hungry"

There it was again. That snappy comeback that Phil has used every time Dan had tried to approach the problem. "Not hungry enough to be eating just now?"

"I wasn't hungry then. I am now" he said in that same monotone voice, making sure to completely ignore Dan's presence as usual. He closed the fridge door, keeping his eyes fixed on the door way of the kitchen as he moved.

Dan knew then that he had to do something now or- he didn't really know what would happen. "What is your problem?"

Phil stopped in his tracks, trying to look at Dan for the first time since this has started. He all but glared at Dan as he spoke. "Do you really have the right to ask me that?" the usual cheerful tone was completely gone. Dan knew then that this was a lot more serious than any of their petty arguments so far.

"You heard what I said the other day, didn't you?"

"Yes I heard what you said" his anger seemed to fade away slightly as he properly turned to look at Dan now. His face portrayed more of a sad look than anything else. "I thought things had changed between us Dan. After the train station I thought that maybe things would be okay. I…I thought you were actually going to give me a chance"

"I want to try give you a chance, but I can't" he sighed, looking at the ground "Everything is fucked up and I don't know how to fix it. I'm just some stupid kid who could never sort this"

The silence that followed made them both incredibly uncomfortable. Dan was close to tears and was just trying to tell himself not to cry. He was weak and stupid enough already without letting himself cry once again.

"You could try" came Phil's quiet response eventually. "You could try your hardest like I am, and maybe eventually it'll be okay again. I know you're hurting, but so am I. Don't you see Dan. We need each other to survive. Relationships take time, they need care and tending or they'll never grow"

"But…I can't" Dan whimpered, the tears now rolling down his cheeks "I'm just some stupid kid who doesn't know what he wants anymore. I…I just don't want to hurt anymore…I don't want to hurt you"

"Dan…You don't need to hurt anymore. You don't need to hurt me either. I'm here for you, and maybe you don't like that but it's the truth. I'm trying my hardest to make this work here…is it really too much to ask that you try too?"

"But I can't. I can't do anything because-" Dan didn't even get to finish his sentence before Phil wrapped his arms around him tightly.

"I understand how much you're giving up for this, but please just try. If not for me, then for yourself. We could make this work Dan, you know we could. So please…Please just try"

Dan couldn't stop the tears then. He felt stupid for crying and shaking just because of something that wasn't even an argument. He felt so incredibly stupid for crying just because Phil had actually said something nice to him. He felt stupid and weak and like everything was going wrong. Yet there was this small feeling inside of him that seemed to be blossoming by the minute and wiping away those negative feelings.

Hope was making Dan feel as if he could do this. That he could in fact sort this.


	9. Chapter 9

"Dan…The storm is getting really bad. We should really get down to the basement"

Phil stood in the doorway watching Dan with unease as he spoke. This was probably one of the worst storms they'd seen for a long time. Phil had been awake for hours, unable to sleep because of the noise. Yet obviously Dan could easily sleep through it. Phil could tell he was still half asleep as the younger boy sat up and rubbed his eyes. He did feel a little bad for waking Dan up but he'd rather have them both safe than risking them getting hurt.

"Do we really have to go? I'm tired" Dan mumbled, standing up a little tool quickly and stumbling forward thanks to his numb legs. Phil automatically held his hands out to catch Dan in case he did fall. Dan jut blushed slightly and straightened himself up.

"Yeah we do. I don't want anything to happen to us"

Dan made another little grumble of complaint before following Phil into the hallway and reaching for the light switch. There was a click as his finger pressed against the switch but nothing happened. He made a face, trying again but with no result. "Looks like the powers out then" Dan said with a small sigh. He watched Phil's lips twitch into a small smile of amusement as he gave Phil his best pout. For the first time in awhile Phil actually laughed.

"Come on then. Lets get some candles and head down"

Dan nodded, making sure to stay close behind Phil as they made their way down the stairs into the dark kitchen to look for some matches. Dan was going to suggest taking their phones and laptops down there but then realised if this storm really was as bad as they were saying then they would be down there a lot longer than his remaining battery life would last. So he just kept quiet and watched Phil struggling to strike a match and light a single candle.

Eventually they made their way down to the basement with a candle holder each and a radio. It was Phil's idea so they could listen to the weather updates. The storm seemed pretty bad but maybe it would clear up soon.

Phil sighed softly as he sat down, leaning his head back against the wall as he closed his eyes. He was tired. Not just physically but mentally. He opened his eyes to see Dan with his legs drawn up to his chest and hugging his knees. He always looked so uncomfortable around Phil and really Phil hated that. Of course he understood but he hoped after everything they'd talked about that maybe Dan would start being a little less- well difficult. He was pleasant enough to be around but there were many things he was still doing which Phil just didn't understand. He got the fact Dan was just a kid and that he really wasn't ready for a committed relationship, but the boy would shake violently if you even touched his hand. He'd get this look of complete fear in his eyes that really made Phil wonder what had happened in his past to make him like this with contact.

"I'm sure it's not as bad as they're saying it is. I mean weathermen always exaggerate these things" Dan said softly over the quiet crackle of the radio. There was a song playing gently from the device that almost sounded like a lullaby. The soft melodies that merged together, trickled from the speakers and into both their ears. It was calm like this. Although Dan felt awkward as usual, there was something kind of nice about this.

"You're probably right, but id rather be safe than sorry" Phil paused, shifting slightly so he was leaning back on his hands a little more. He looked to Dan then, moving his right arm towards him almost unconsciously "I know it's the middle of the night but…It's nice being down here with you"

"Id rather be sleeping in the middle of the night but-" Dan started in some sort of an attempt to make a joke.

"Dan, I like spending time with you, in case you've failed to notice. But, I just feel like we've both been too busy for each other lately. We're like passing ships in the night. Both of us just sort of going undetected by the other and I'm not sure I want or like that"

"Yeah…I guess we've both been busy"

"I know this has been hard on you. I understand this isn't exactly what you wanted. I mean, this relationship isn't exactly normal. And I do know you're really trying" he sighed, leaning back against the wall trying to figure out what to say next. He didn't even know what he was trying to say now. He just started talking and letting his thoughts out. And now he didn't know whether to say what he was really thinking or leave Dan in the dark. "This marriage didn't exactly start the way I wanted it too, but…I want to make this work. You're my husband and I know I've said this all before, but I really don't think of that too lightly. We might not be in love yet…but I know it's going to happen one day"

Dan just sat there with tears prickling his eyes and he really didn't know why. He bowed his head, looking at the floor as a million thoughts buzzed through his head. And yet out of all those thoughts he managed to say the one thing he didn't want to. "…You must really miss your husband…"

Phil's head snapped up to Dan to see the younger boy sitting there looking absolutely miserable. But what Dan had just said, Phil couldn't have heard that right. Dan had never brought up him before, so why now? Phil just sort of assumed Dan didn't know or didn't care. "…What?"

"You two seemed really happy. My dad said you guys were like the perfect couple…"

"Yeah, we were happy" He smiled "But, that doesn't mean we were really happy"

Dan looked up to meet Phil's gaze for the first time. He felt a small pink blush cover his cheeks as he stared into those blue eyes. "What do you mean?"

"What even is happy? We're told that a lot of things give us happiness and we should keep searching for it all through our lives. But, what actually is happiness?"

"Love can give you happiness…surely that's what made you happy?"

"No, love can cause happiness and pain. It's a mix of both that make us all stop and realise life isn't a fairy tale. Happiness is a lot like candy floss I guess. It's fluffy and delicious until you add a drop of water and it all disintegrates into just sugar. Love can be a lot like that. Happy and beautiful until trouble hits it and then it dissolves just like that"

Dan shifted so he wasn't sitting in such a protective position now. He kept his gaze on Phil as he straightened out his legs and carefully placed his hands on the floor. He looked down to his left hand which was now a lot closer to Phil's hand than it had ever been. And in that moment Dan had no idea what made him do it. He'd say it was an impulse but he knew better than that. He slowly moved his hand until his finger tips were lightly touching Phil's. Phil looked down at their now barely touching hands as a small smile graced his lips. He looked back up and caught Dan's eye, keeping that eye contact as if to ask permission as he slowly moved his own hand closer. Dan looked worried for a moment but nodded as he squeezed his eyes shut and took in a breath.

"I think you're wrong" Came Dan's slightly breathy words as he looked down and their hands which were now laced together "Happiness is all dependent on if you let yourself feel it. You can only feel your own happiness so why let anyone else control that? If doing something makes you happy then you should do it. And sure someone or something can take your happiness away. But you just have to get it back again. It's not like it's lost forever"

Phil just stared into those chocolaty brown eyes in pure amazement. Dan haden't ever shared anything like that before. "That was beautiful Dan…but, what if happiness really can be lost?"

"…It can be lost…I think we both know that. But it really isn't ever lost forever. It'll come back one day and when it comes back you'll realise how much you missed it. How much you wanted it to be there all that time but it wasn't. you'll finally be able to sit back and think that yes, I really am truly happy now."

Phil let a sad smile cover his hips as he gently ran his thumb over Dan's hand, looking away for a moment as he tried desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "But what are you supposed to do in the mean time? As humans our instinct is to run at the first sign or pain. When we don't have happiness, we suffer that emotional pain. I've had happiness, I really have. It was great and it makes you feel so alive, yet it's not enough."

"I…Phil-" Dan tried to say, desperately thinking of what to say when he was interrupted by a voice from the radio. 'The storm warning has been lowered. We suggest you still stay inside but there is no immediate danger anymore'

Without a word Phil stood up, turning his head as he wiped his face in some sort of attempt to try not let Dan see he was upset. He was always upset these days and yet Dan never seemed to notice. It wasn't Dan's fault, Phil was just normally incredibly good at hiding it. Phil moved to in front of Dan and held out his hand to the younger boy. Dan looked unsure for a second but seemed to change his mind as he clasped Phil's hand and stood up. Phil flashed him a small smile which Dan amazingly returned.

Only moments ago they had had the most indebt discussion they had ever shared and Phil knew as soon as they left the room they'd go back to how they were. Just going back to be those two passing ships in the night and he didn't want that. He squeezed Dan's hand, trying to show how he felt through his actions but he knew that wouldn't work.

Dan gazed into Phil's eyes feeling more confused than ever. They were still holding hands when they didn't need to be. It wasn't that Dan didn't enjoy it, he was just more confused to when it became okay to do this. Normally he'd shake and panic but he only felt slightly nervous as Phil's gaze burned into him.

"I want it Dan…"

"You…You want what?"

"I want happiness again" he took a quick breath in before looking straight into Dan's eyes "You could bring it back. You could be the one to bring back my happiness and fix me. I don't want it to be like before. I don't want us to just use the other as an accessory. I want to talk to you, joke with you. Laugh at stupid videos together and cry at sad movies. I know you don't love me…but, could we at least try be friends?"

Dan couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face even if he tried. That sounded okay and actually kind of nice. They could be friends, of course they could. Dan knew he was incredibly awkward and hard to get along with, but maybe they could try this.

Although he still didn't like this whole idea of the marriage thing he didn't mind trying to be a friend. He was done arguing all the time. He didn't want to make Phil unhappy at all. It was more of the opposite actually. He wanted to make Phil happy and he didn't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do to for him.

"Okay, we can be friends"


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey, um…Dan?"

Dan looked up from his plate in front of him, placing his fork down and giving Phil a small nod "Yeah, what is it?"

"So every year my family have this sort of get together thing at their house. My whole family always turn up for it and it's just kinda become a tradition over the years. I mean, everyone comes along and we all have just such a great time. My mum even invites over the neighbours so we have loads of people. You could say it's kinda like a party which everyone's invited to"

"A party?"

"I promise it's not as bad as it sounds, it's actually kinda fun. I mean, it's this Saturday and I need to go see my mum again anyway so…what do you think?"

"Well, sure. Your mum seems really lovely and I guess I could use some time away from here" he paused, realising how that could have come across wrong. "I mean, not time away from you. I meant just-"

"Dan, it's okay. I know what you meant" Phil answered with a small laugh, a smile actually making itself seen on his face.

"I think I'd actually really like to meet your mum. Could we leave on Friday?"

Phil just gave Dan a strange look then. He had never seen Dan so dedicated towards anything to do with them. Maybe things were finally changing for the better. Or maybe they weren't. Phil couldn't even tell anymore. He started to doubt his judgment on the whole thing. The fact that he felt so strongly for Dan could have just been making him feel as if things were getting better. But he didn't want to believe that.

"What?" Dan asked, flashing Phil the first real smile the older boy had actually seen.

"Uh, nothing. It's just…"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing. That sounds like a great idea though. I'm sure my mum will be happy to finally meet you properly"

"Yeah" Dan picked up his fork and scooped the last bit of food off his plate. He was about to place it in his mouth before be stopped and looked up at Phil again "I'm looking forward to it" he said softly before chewing on his last bit of food and standing up from the table. "I'll clean up tonight okay? Go get that work that needs done finished"

Phil nodded but didn't move. He heard footsteps and then the tap turning on as Dan started on the washing up, humming softly too himself as he did. It struck Phil as strange that this didn't seem very normal at all. Dan was normally snippy and didn't want to do housework. Of course he did his fair share of chores but it was Phil's night to wash up. Something was off and Phil couldn't quite understand what it was or what was causing it.

/

"It's kinda delusional, isn't it?" There was a silence that filled the air which was soon broken as Phil's uncle placed the shovel in his hands down and faced Phil.

"What's delusional?"

"This whole thing. My belief that Dan might actually feel the same way"

The slightly balding man looked towards his nephew with a sigh before he made his way over and sat down beside Phil. "And what exactly do you feel for him?"

"I…I don't know what I feel. It's something strong which I've never really felt before" he signed, slouching forward on the step he was sitting on "You don't need me complaining about this to you. You've already done so much for me"

"Nonsense. I did what any loving uncle would do. If your brother passes away and leaves behind a confused kid that he fucked up, you've gotta at least try fix it. Your father was the biggest idiot there was Phil. And what he did to you, I don't think I can ever forgive him. I just picked up the pieces he left and glued them back together. Anyone would have done the same"

"I know but-"

"Shh you" he said with a smile, nudging Phil lightly "Now come on, tell me all about it"

Phil was hesitant at first. But decided he really could tell anything to his uncle "I like him, I really do. It's like I'm drawn to him and I want us to be happy, but I barely know him"

"That's not delusion, that's hope. I mean, everybody has those negative thoughts but even having a slight belief that those things are just negative is what hope is about"

"But what if it really is the truth?" Phil asked softly, looking into his uncles kind eyes as he spoke. He always felt close to his uncle. His uncle was what most dads were supposed to be to their sons. He was Phil's superhero. That one person who would tell him that getting a C in Science didn't make him a failure. Or that crying every night because your heart was broken didn't mean you were weak. He taught Phil that not knowing what to do was perfectly okay. He taught Phil that it was okay to be afraid of the future.

"You've just got to hang onto that hope Phil. You're a big boy now. If you want that guy, you go and get him, yeah?"

A small smile tugged at Phil's lips as watched his uncle get up and walk back over to resume his gardening "Yeah"

There was another silence which filled the air then. This silence however felt peaceful and calm. It almost felt as if from those few words lone his uncle had completely vanished that negative atmosphere which seemed to constantly hang over Phil.

"…Phil?"

Phil turned slightly, smiling as he saw Dan standing there in his usual black shirt and skinny jeans. "Yeah?" he asked, standing up so he could face the younger boy properly.

Dan had this weird sort of look on his face as he looked at Phil. It almost looked as if he was trying to figure something out or he was having some sort of inner conflict with himself. He bit his lips before stepping forward and gently taking Phil's hand in his own. A lightly pink blush covered his cheek as he kept his eyes on the floor. "I've got something to show you" he basically whispered, somehow managing to look Phil in the eyes for long enough to utter the words.

Although Phil should have probably been amazed that Dan had done something so bold as hold his hand. All he could think about was how adorable the younger boy looked with those cute little dimples and that blush spread across his face.

"You're supposed to come too" Dan said loud enough for Phil's uncle to hear, who was now watching them with a smile. He just nodded, throwing Phil a smug smile as he passed them and made his way back into the house.

Dan tugged on Phil's hand slightly, making him remember they were also supposed to be going inside. They made their way inside, walking in silence. It wasn't necessarily a bad silence. It actually felt sort of nice. Maybe it felt nice because Dan's hands were so warm. Or the fact Dan kept squeezing Phil's hand when they came up to something like a step, as if he was getting ready to catch Phil if he fell. Either way Phil liked this a lot-

"Surprise!"

Phil's mouth practically fell open as he entered the kitchen, greeted by everyone's shouts. Literally everyone was standing in his kitchen with great big smiles on their faces. His mother had the widest smile as she stood behind a beautifully decorated cake which was sitting on the table.

"Happy birthday, Phil"

/

A matching smile covered Phil's face as he looked around the smiling faces of his relatives. He'd been so busy with work and the whole situation with Dan that he'd almost forgotten about his birthday.

He looked down at their still linked hands as he felt Dan give him a small squeeze. It was strange how that action alone seemed to say a thousands words to Phil. Maybe he was just imagining it. But that simple action really seemed to convey his emotions so clearly.

Although the last thing he wanted to do was let go of Dan's hand, he knew he had to. He carefully slipped his hand out of Dan's and made his way over to his mum. She wrapped her arms around him as he did the same to her. He held her there in a tight hug, still not getting over that they'd put this together for him.

"You and uncle Ken were both in on this then?" Phil asked as he backed away from the hug slightly.

"And Dan too" his mother replied, moving her head slightly in Dan's direction.

That blush appeared on Dan's checks again as he smiled sheepishly at Phil. The grin had once again taken over Phil's face as he made his way back over to Dan. "You- I just- I'm…I don't know what to say"

Dan smiled at Phil's splutters of a sentence and took a step closer. Phil wondered what Dan was doing before he felt a pair of soft lips land on his check. He tensed up, his eyes widening as Dan stayed there for a second before softly whispering just loud enough for Phil to hear.

"Happy birthday Phil"

Phil never would have guessed he could feel so nervous. But why was he so nervous? He was only stood in front of the spare bedroom which Dan was sleeping in while they stayed at his mum's house. He wanted to just knock on the door and talk to Dan, yet somehow he couldn't. He felt awkward and strange just going to Dan's room without a real motive.

"…Dan?" he asked softly, hoping Dan could hear him. He listened carefully for any sign of movement. There wasn't any. "Dan?" he asked a bit louder now, rapping on the door with his hand gently.

Phil smiled as he heard a small surprised yelp and the sound of Dan scrambling to the door. A slightly flustered Dan appeared in the doorway, a faint blush covering his cheeks as he looked up at Phil with wide eyes.

"What were you doing in there to get you so flustered?" Phil asked almost mockingly as he poked Dan's cheek while flashing his signature smile. Dan's blush depended as he looked to the floor with a slight pout.

"I was just writing. It's not what you think" he grumbled, still keeping his eyes on the ground.

"You write?" Phil asked, the surprise evident in his voice.

"No, I mean- It's kinda stupid and girly but…I keep a diary. I like to write about the good things that happen"

"That's not girly" Phil answered, crossing his arms over his chest as he now leaned against the door frame "That's kinda nice actually"

"Really? Like, you don't think it's weird?"

"Of course not. I would keep a diary but I'm that terrible at writing that I wouldn't be able to write anything. My dad never approved of anything he thought of as girly when I was growing up. So I never got to keep a diary or anything like that. I guess I might have still kept one now if I'd been allowed when I was younger"

The atmosphere seemed to shift then. It had gone from this happy feeling to this horrible dullness. Phil always felt he didn't need to talk about his childhood. He was a happy enough kid but realised as he met more and more people that the way he grew up was very different to how other people did. Phil cleared his throat, watching as Dan's eyes shifted from the floor to him again at the noise.

How did Dan grow up? Phil had never actually asked anything about Dan's childhood. He guessed from the younger boys attitude that it was fairly easy since Dan was incredibly stubborn,. Okay he wasn't stubborn all the time but it was definitely one of his traits which shone through the brightest. Phil was interested in how Dan grew up and wanted to ask him so badly but also didn't want to upset the boy by being to personal with him. Dan liked to keep to himself and Dan recognised that. He respected that and of course would stay away to keep Dan happy. But that still didn't satisfy his need to know what exactly Dan had gone through to be like this.

"So uh…what did you want?"

Dan's voice snapped Phil out of his thoughts as he meet the younger's eyes. "Oh, I um- I wanted to show you something"

"Have you made me a cake as well now?" Dan asked with his eyebrow raised as a teasing smile tugged at his lips.

"You wish" Phil answered, being glad the awkward atmosphere had faded away "Come on, please?"

"Fine" Dan huffed dramatically, that wonderful real smile making an appearance again. It really didn't matter how many times Phil saw it. Every time he would fall a little more in love with Dan. Fall in love with that amazing smile and the way his eyes twinkled. He was so beautiful, and that's what hurt the most about loving him.

Phil attentively took Dan's hand in his own, looking into Dan's eyes to see this was okay. Dan looked a little bit startled but nodded and squeezed Phil's hand. He really hoped this wasn't crossing the line because he really loved holding Dan's hand. Holding hands didn't mean anything. Friends could hold hands, of course they could. Because as far as their arrangement went, they were only friends.

They made their way outside, the lights on the ground making it just light enough so they could actually see where they were going. Phil lead them around the back of the house and into a grassy field just to the side of the garden. After a few minutes of walking Dan was wondering where exactly Phil was taking him. They had just been climbing a hill for the last five minutes and it didn't really look like there was anything to show up here. He was just about to ask when suddenly his voice stuck in his throat. The hill had stopped it's upward slope and now in front of them was a sight Dan truly believed could only be in fairytales.

"It's lovely, isn't it?"

"It's…incredible"

Phil smiled softly as he squeezed Dan's hand. This was his favourite place to be as a child. He used to come here at nights and just sit and look at the dark blanket above his head which contained those thousands of sparkling lights. It seemed truly magical if you counted how amazing the view was from up here. The water and sky almost merged in colour, making everything seem surreal and enchanting.

"How did you even find this place?"

Phil looked at Dan then, his heart soaring as he watched the boy's face light up. This sort of look of amazement and wonder shining in those beautiful eyes. Phil felt his smile stretch a little wider as he slowly sat down on the grass, still looking up at Dan. Dan seemed to take the hint and sat down beside Phil.

"This is so beautiful Phil, thank you"

"You don't need to thank me" he shuffled slightly closer to Dan "I just wanted to talk to you and this place has always been just…I don't know how to describe it. As a kid this was my favourite place to go when I was upset or angry. I had a lot of fights with my dad around the ages of twelve and thirteen and this was my go to place when I stormed out"

Dan laughed softly, his eyes still staring over at where the water and sky met "I can't imagine you fighting with anyone. You're just such a calm person. Like, how could you even be a rebellious teenager?"

"I wasn't a rebellious teenager, I was a rebellious pre-teen" Phil explained with a laugh as well. Phil really loved when they had conversations like this. It had only happened once before and there was still that underlying negative feeling there. But now, this seemed like they were actually having a fun, happy conversation.

"You know, I actually just wanted to say thank you, but actually talking to you is so much better"

"Thank you for what?" Dan asked gently, looking into Phil's eyes with a questioning gaze.

"I want to thank you for, well this. You're really trying with this and you're even agreeing to my family's crazy antics. I mean, you didn't need to come here or be on board with the whole birthday thing, but you did and you were. I just- I'm not sure what to say"

"You could have stopped at thank you, it was more than enough" Dan replied, that attitude back as usual. His small smirk turned into a gentle smile as his hand brushed over Phil's "You've been so nice to me from the beginning and I thought that maybe it's time I tried to treat you the same way"

Phil had to try his hardest not to tear up at Dan's words. No one had ever been so nice to him, or admitted to even wanting to try for a long time. "Dan, I-"

He began but was interrupted by the sound of music and a cheer in the distance. They both looked towards the noise, Dan looking uneasy but calming down slightly as he realised what had caused the noise.

"Looks like the party has started then" he said, looking from Phil to the house again before standing up and brushing the grass off his jeans.

"looks like it has. Want to join them?"

"Yeah, lets go"

/

For a family party, it sure was a great sight. Most family parties Dan had ever attended contained of the children playing in the corner while the adults sat about and drank wine and complained about everything. That was the reason Dan hadn't been too sure when Phil's mum had phoned to ask Dan about the party and the whole birthday ordeal.

Dan could tell the moment he stepped in the room that a Lester family party was very different from a Howell family party. The main difference was when they stepped in the room everyone smiled and welcomed them, coming over to give them tight welcoming hugs. Everyone just seemed to be in such a good mood, or so it looked with all the laughter and smiles. People danced excitedly, laughing with massive grins on their faces as if what they were doing actually made them happy. This was a whole new experience for Dan and he was a little bit confused by it.

"Do you want a drink?" Phil asked, motioning over to a table in the corner where a variety of drinks and snacks were laid out.

"But I'm not old enough to drink-" Dan tried to protest but Phil just hushed him and laughed.

"You're nearly eighteen Dan, I'm pretty sure you can drink. I mean, you're legally allowed to drink under supervision from the age of five. Now come on, what do you want?" Phil asked with a cheeky smile.

"I, um. Just some rosé wine, please"

Phil nodded before making his way over to the table to fetch them both drinks. He had to admit that this really did feel like one of the most lively parties they had ever had. He really hoped Dan felt the same and that he would actually enjoy himself. He really did only want to make Dan happy and maybe even Dan just being part of his family could do that. He poured the red liquid into two glasses and carefully made his way back to Dan. Phil may have been a completely grown man but he was still the clumsiest person on the planet. Knowing his luck he'd end up slipping and breaking the glasses. He really was just that clumsy.

"Phil, over here!" Phil turned at the sound of his name, seeing his uncle and auntie standing with great big smiles spread across. He was about to raise his hand to wave when he remembered he had the wine in his hands. He made his way over to Dan as quickly as he could and handed him the wine glass.

"Thanks- what are you doing?" Dan asked as Phil placed his hand on Dan's back.

"Come on, come over and meet my auntie and uncle" was all Phil could say in reply before they actually arrived at his relatives side.

"Phil, it's nice to see you finally turned up" uncle Ken joked as he patted Phil's shoulder in the sort of proud way he always had. "And you're Dan, right? We haven't actually met properly"

Dan nodded, suddenly becoming shy as he bowed his head and looked at the floor. It wasn't that he didn't want to meet Phil's family. He honestly just felt a little weird for being in a place where everyone was being so nice to him. "Hi" he mumbled quietly, heat rising to his checks out of embarrassment.

Phil nudged Dan slightly as he tried to stifle his laugh. Dan may have been beautiful and perfect, but he was also incredibly shy and a little bit embarrassing. "Dan, this is uncle Ken-"

"The best uncle in the family" Ken boasted proudly only to have Phil roll his eyes playfully at him.

"The only uncle in the family since Mum's side is all girls" Phil laughed as Ken pouted slightly "And this is auntie Joyce"

"It's nice to meet you both" Dan replied, holding his hand to Ken. The older man grinned, taking Dan's hand in his and giving him a firm handshake.

As they all stood back and took a minute to just give each other polite smiles the music changed to a slow song. Phil looked around to see the couples which were laughing and jumping about before were now slow dancing peaceful with content little smiles covering their faces.

"Listen Joyce, it's our first dance song. Remember this?" Ken said softly, taking his wife's hands in his own.

"How could I forget, it was only ten years ago" she replied with a laugh, tugging on his hand slightly "Come on then, are we gonna dance?"

Ken laughed and did a little half bow and smiled "Of course, my lady"

Phil watched as they made their way into the middle of the room and began to slow dance. It was then that Phil realised how much he really did miss the romantic side of a relationship. He'd only ever danced on the night of his wedding to a man who didn't love him. A man his father had forced him to marry for reasons Phil still didn't agree with.

All the couples looked so happy and comfortable as they danced. It was truly a wonderful sight. Phil looked over to Dan to see he was also watching the couples dancing. He seemed to sense Phil was looking at him because he turned his head and they locked eyes.

"You know what I'm going to ask you, don't you?" Phil asked flashing Dan a smile.

"I have some idea" Dan replied with a slight smirk.

"And?"

Dan grinned, downing the rest of his wine and placing it on the table next to him "What do you think?"

Phil returned the smile and took Dan's hand in his. Their eyes locked again as they made their way into a space next to everyone else who was currently dancing. Phil raised their hands slightly and placed his other hand on Dan's waist.

As they started to sway slowly to the music, their eyes only on each other was when Phil's really felt that warm feeling in his chest again. Just being here in his family home with a man who could actually possible love him, felt amazing. Their relationship may not have been perfect but in that moment it felt as close to perfect as it could be.


	11. Chapter 11

Dan enjoyed nothing more than being able to just sit outside and watch the day go by. He sat on the porch of Phil's mother's house as he held a still slightly warm cup of coffee in his hands.

To Dan, being outside and seeing all the insects and wildlife was like a treat. Something which he liked to do as a little boy which had obviously stuck with him throughout life. As much as he enjoyed being inside and playing with his toys, there was just something which he really loved about being outside. Maybe it was how the warm sun rays made the air warm enough to sit out in but not too hot so that he'd need to cover up. In short, Dan loved being outside.

"Good morning Dan"

Dan looked to his left to see Ken, Phil's uncle smiling at him. Dan smiled back, watching as Ken made his way past him and sat down on the chair at the other side of the small table.

"Enjoying the view?" Ken asked as he looked ahead to where Dan was looking before.

"Yeah, It's really beautiful here" Dan smiled "If only Phil had told me how pretty this place was before. We would have been here way before now. It's just- it's really nice here. Kinda makes me sad that we have to leave"

Dan heard a small laugh escape Ken's lips as they both kept their gazes set forward of the wonderful sight of all the beautiful trees and flowers. They really did seem to sort of glow magically in the sunlight and to Dan that was just amazing.

Just as Ken was about to speak again something caught both their eyes. Phil came running into a view, slowing his pace as he approached the steps which lead up to the house. Dan felt a small smile tug at his lips then as Phil approached them, wiping his brow as a sigh of exhaustion left his mouth.

"Why does staying fit have to be so much effort?" he asked jokingly as he stopped in front of Dan. Dan was speechless, more for the fact that Phil was topless and stood in front of him than anything else.

"Good morning Phil, have fun running?" Ken asked in his usual lively way as he smiled at his nephew.

Phil pouted dramatically, a laugh leaving him as he returned his uncles smile "Of course I did, that's why I'm nearly dying here" he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"There's breakfast inside if you want it"

"Thanks, I might just have some. I never knew how hungry running made you" he grinned, finally catching his breath properly. He looked from ken to Dan, his smile softening slightly as their eyes locked. "Good morning Dan"

A light pink colour rose to Dan's cheeks as he saw one of Phil's actual smiles "Morning" he half mumbled as he tilted his head down slightly to try hide his face.

Out the corner of his eye he noticed Ken turn to watch them with a wide smile spread across his face. It was pretty obvious to Dan that Phil and Ken were very close. The way they talked and acted around each other made it look like they were friends rather than relatives.

"Did you see that sunrise this morning Dan? It was really beautiful" Phil asked, that smile still remaining on his face as he gazed almost lovingly at Dan.

"I, uh- yeah, I did"

Phil looked from Dan to the front door, a thoughtful looked taking over his face for just a second before that smile was back again. "Well I'm going for a shower so I'm not all gross. I'll see you later yeah?"

"Yeah" Dan replied, them both locking eyes once again before Phil made his way inside. Once Dan was sure Phil was out of ear shot he turned to Ken, a look of unease plastered on his face now.

"I'm guess you guys are close, right? You seem that way"

Ken looked a little surprised at Dan's sudden question. "Yeah, we're pretty close I guess. As Phil was growing up his father wasn't around much because of work, so I was his male role model I guess. Phil hasn't told you much about his childhood, has he?"

"He…He's not told me anything actually"

"Don't worry about that, he doesn't seem to like talking about it really. It's not that it was bad, it was just a very lonely time for him. You see, when his dad was there for him he would try teach Phil all about how to run a business because one day he'd take over and that was that. He seemed to treat Phil as an employee rather than his son."

"So…you pretty much were like a father to him then?"

"Yeah. Probably a much better father than my brother ever was to him"

Dan sighed, looking down to where his hands were now clasped in his lap before looking up at Ken again "He came to you for advice about this then, didn't he?"

Ken looked confused then "Advice about what?"

"This arranged marriage thing. I know I've only known Phil for a few months but I just get the feeling he would come to someone he was close to for advice"

Ken smiled, almost sadly as he meet Dan's eyes after hearing those words "Yeah, he did come to me for advice. I just told him he was old enough to make his own decisions, which is true. I don't think he even needed advice about it really. He seemed pretty set on the idea. He'd made up his mind that he wanted to marry you and my word was only really him wanting someone else to tell him it was a good idea"

"He really did want to marry me then? It wasn't just about helping my dad out?"

A proper smile covered Ken's face then "I'll let you in on a little secret Dan. Phil's had his eyes on you for about the past six months at least. Remember that talk you did to the youth club at church last summer? Phil and I were both there. We'd heard about the event and somehow managed to wonder into the room while you were there. Phil was instantly drawn to you, asking me if I knew who you were. He thought you were beautiful but soon tried to push any sort of attachment he wanted to have with you away. You see, He was still hurting. He's still hurting now. But now he has you, that hurt really does seem to be fading away"

"He- He knew who I was before all this?" Dan asked, stuttering slightly over his words. He did indeed remember that talk he gave but he didn't remember seeing Phil there. Then again, why would he remember? Phil was just another stranger that was milling around that day. This new information didn't quite make Dan feel uneasy, but more a little bit confused.

"Yeah, I knew who you were for your mother's work with the youth club. Of course I only told Phil what I knew, which was only your name. Phil didn't seem to realise it was you which he was agreeing to marry until your father and him were discussing the wedding and Phil was shown a picture of you. At first this marriage was just to help your dad out, but when he realised who you were, that's when he became incredibly serious about this. I know it's hard for you to understand, But Phil does have this attachment to you."

"Do you…Do you really think this could work out between us? I mean, you know him better than I do"

"To be honest, I'm not sure if it will. All I know is that he's at least a little bit less broken that before. I know you're not blind to it Dan, you can see how happy this is making him. He hasn't smiled like he smiles at you for at least the last two years. This is good for him, I mean, he really needed to move on from Chris"

Dan's breath stuck in his throat as he heard that name. Chris. Who was Chris?

"I think it was a good choice anyway. I think you're good for him"

"Really?"

"Yeah. But there's a question I should really be asking you. Is he good for you?"

Dan just looked startled at Ken's question. Was Phil good for him? How was he supposed to know the answer to that.

"You don't have to answer" Ken added obviously noticing Dan's distress "The answer will become clear eventually, believe me"

"I- I don't really know. I don't really know him…"

"Phil's an open book Dan. When you learn how to read him you can understand everything about him"

/

There was always something about hospitals which Dan didn't like. The thought that people came here and died daily scared him a little bit. So as he walked through the white halls to a room which he only knew too well, his heart began to feel heavy. He hadn't visited in a while, which made him feel even worse than he did already.

As he passed the many other visitors which obviously weren't happy about being here, he felt strange. Strange in a way which he couldn't really explain. Maybe it was sadness. Or maybe even regret and loneliness. Visiting here made him feel bad, but not visiting made him feel even worse when he came again.

As he neared the room he passed a woman only maybe in her late thirties crying onto the shoulder of a man which Dan assumed was her partner. He knew what she was crying about and that made that sinking feeling in his stomach intensify with each step. On this ward, when people were upset it normally only meant one thing.

"You can't let them do it. You can't let them take our baby away!"

Dan felt the familiar feeling of tears welling up in his eyes as he listened to the woman now screaming at her partner. He quickly dashed into the room and shut the door behind him. He sighed as the screams became muffled noises. Hospitals really were the one place he really couldn't stand.

Dan made his way over to the black chair and placed his bag down on the floor beside it before sitting down. The room always made him feel nauseas and dizzy. He blamed the bright white walls with the terrible lighting. He had hated this room from the first time he'd stepped into it.

"Hey…It's me again. I'm sorry I haven't come to see you in a while, but- there's no excuse for me. If you were in my position you'd understand why I hate coming here so much"

Dan clasped his hands together in his lap, trying his hardest to stop that rising feeling in his chest.

"I-I know you didn't get a say in the matter. I think you probably would have fought dad over it. You would have told him that he couldn't force me to marry Phil"

Dan sighed, fidgeting with his hands now as he looked up to the still stunningly beautiful woman who lay on the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed.

"I've been acting so selfishly you know. I thought that maybe if I made Phil hate me enough we'd call of this marriage thing so I could find my prince. But Phil isn't the problem. Phil is lovely and kind and he's done everything he can for me. He's just so nice to me, and yet all I've done is treat him so badly. The thing about him is he tries so hard for me. He really is…unlike anyone I've ever met before"

Dan didn't realise he was crying until he felt a tear drop onto his hand. He always got so emotional when he talked to her. He tried to visit as often as he did yet the fact that even looking at her made his chest hurt made it so much more of an effort.

"I miss you mum. You have no idea how much I wish I could hear your advice right now. Sometimes I really wish I could have been with you that day. That I was lying there instead of you. You just- I need you mum. I really really need you right now"

He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, letting a small sniffle be heard as he tried to pull himself together.

"Dan?

Dan looked up as he heard his name. He tried to smile although he still had tears in his eyes. "Oh, hey Natalie" he greeted as the nurse walked into the room and set to work checking his mother over in her comatose state.

"I haven't seen you for a while, you been busy?"

"Yeah…really busy actually"

"Oh that's right" she said, clapping her hands together as she grinned over at Dan "You got married, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did" he answered softly, holding his left hand up to show her the simple gold ring.

"It was for the money from your grandmothers' will. I remember now, your dad called me to tell me after he transferred the money to us"

Dad was about to nod in agreement when the words actually sunk in. Transferred the money. Why would his father need to transfer the money if it was already being paid into his account?

"What- what do you mean transferred the money?"

Natalie stopped what she was doing and looked at Dan. Their eyes locked and that's when Dan started to get that feeling back.

"You do know…don't you?"

"Know what?" Dan asked, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"The reason Your dad needed the money from the will was because no one would help him out with money"

"I know that, but why did he transfer the money over to you guys?"

Natalie looked confused again, her expression soon turning to concerned as she bit her lip. Dan's mind was going into overdrive now as he desperately tried to piece everything together.

"The money was for your mum's care, so we wouldn't have to pull the plug…I-I thought you knew"


End file.
